that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
