Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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