I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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