Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
