So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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