Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
