There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
