...so i touched it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
