Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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