I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
