M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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