Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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