youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
