Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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