I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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