Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
