i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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