I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
