My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
