I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
