if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
