forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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