I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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