There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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