Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
