i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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