im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
