I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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