I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
