i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
