so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
