u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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