I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
