I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
