you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
