i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
