Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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