Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
