Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
