I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
