My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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