I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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