I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sarcasm needs its own font
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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