Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
