I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
