The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
