Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
