guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
