That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
