The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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