Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
