How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
