if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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