im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
