i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
