I skipped work to stalk him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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