Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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