My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
