yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
