and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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