from now on my penis is your penis
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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