She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
