Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Your tits are I can't wait for
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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