I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I came so hard my ears popped.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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